Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
