Where is the hickey?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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