SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
