You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
