East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
