got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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