chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
