The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
