I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
