respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
