Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
