Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize