I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
