you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
