she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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