the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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