Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
