saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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