What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Randomize
