forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
