Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
