I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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