It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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