I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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