he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
