so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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