if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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