i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
