I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
