I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
