Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
