Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
