My room smells like vodka and shame
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
