she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
