What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize