can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
