Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
