i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
