I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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