God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
