conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
