he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize