Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
