Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
