she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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