Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
