You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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