There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
