my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
