nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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