the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize