just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
