arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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