Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
