Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
