Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just gargled with NyQuil
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
