She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
