someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
