it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
