Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
