are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
