i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
