If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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