i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
