Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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