I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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