Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
