It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
