I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
