The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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