I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
