I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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